March 2012
16 posts
So how are things progressing with her?
I haven't seen her in a while, so...I have not slept with her a second time.
Nor a first.
Yeah, well, my statement's still technically accurate.
Laettner's mom refusing the hug is the best part... →
"Raftery’s affection for the sport and its... →
Happy Endings
BRAD: DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD SWITCH TO PAPERLESS BILLING?
JANE: I DON’T THINK I’M READY FOR THAT! I LIKE HAVING A HARD COPY FOR MY RECORDS!
BRAD: AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HARD COPY? I LIKED THAT SHOW! IT WAS A VIABLE ALTERNATIVE TO A CURRENT AFFAIR!
“it’s fun explaining to girls why i have absolutely no interest in reading...”
– TD
O Captain
DAD: The moon's just like it was when your brother told us they were pregnant.
ME: Full?
DAD: No, it's the, uhh...
ME: Waxing? Waning?
DAD: No, it's the smile. When you work on the sea for 36 years, you know what these things are called. That's the smile.
HOMER: I did it! I've changed the world! Now I know exactly how God feels.
MARGE: You want turkey, sausage or ham?
HOMER: Bring me two of every animal!
On Journalism
HOMER: That lousy pothole. Why don't they fix it?
BART: I heard Mayor Quimby spent the street repair fund on a secret swimming pool for himself.
HOMER: Get out. Who told you that?
BART: Nelson.
HOMER: Hmmm. That's the kind of dirt that belongs on my web page.
LISA: You can't post that on the Internet. You don't even know if it's true!
HOMER: Nelson has never steered me wrong, honey. Nelson is gold.
BART: You know, it might have been Jimbo.
HOMER: Beautiful, we have confirmation.
“I’m giving up on Duke. Man, I’m disgusted! Nobody plays degense.”
– Mom’s condolences, almost as good as last year’s
On Joseph Kony
HIM: I think both sides are wrong.
ME: Yeah, that’s how I generally feel about most things now.
HIM: You’ve become so jaded.
ME: That’s what happens when you work a month straight without internet access.
HIM: You’re like one of those kids Joseph Kony kidnaps.
"It's futile, but it's not. In the long run, most... →
